


Square One

by KaitlynSpeight



Series: Be The Light [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 10:10:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5824543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaitlynSpeight/pseuds/KaitlynSpeight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam helps Gabriel move on from everything he went through while he was missing</p>
            </blockquote>





	Square One

At the sound of Sam’s concerned voice, at the feel of the gentle touches, almost reverent in their care, Gabriel loses every semblance of self-control he has left, a mute sob escaping his lips, then another, and another as he curled himself into Sam.

 

Safe. Warm. Home. Safe.

 

He felt Sam shifting, walking them both somewhere, and then sinking down, adjusting them so Gabriel was sitting on his lap, tucked up against his chest. “Shh, Gabe, baby, it’s alright. I’m here now, sweetheart, I’ve got you. I’m never going to let them hurt you again, shh, Angel, I’m here now, I’ll keep you safe.”

 

Gabriel grabbed onto the front of Sam’s shirt, pulling him closer and burying his face against his neck.

 

Home. Safe. Sam.

 

Sam smelled different, though, or maybe he had just remembered wrong, so much time had passed, Sam must have a new life now, and what right did he have to invade? Who knows what the younger man had gone through while he was gone? But Sam was holding him, murmuring into his hair, and he didn't have the strength to pull away just yet.

 

“Sam?” A gentle voice called, as if on cue, tugging Gabriel from his reverie and tossing him into the real world. The one where there was a blonde woman standing in the entrance to the hall.

 

Gabe shook his head, forcing back the tears. He had managed for years, he could hold it in a little longer. “I should go, there-” Sam tightened his grip, “you are not leaving me again. Jess, meet Gabriel.” The blonde put a hand to her mouth, staring in disbelief, “Gabriel, this is my wife, Jessica.”

 

The last thread of hope Gabriel had been holding onto snapped at the word. _Wife_. “Sam I really have to go, I’m sorry for-” Sam sighed, catching the injured man’s face between his palms. “Gabriel Milton, you are not going anywhere, I lost you once, I am _not_ doing it again, okay?”

 

Gabriel nodded and looked down, unsure of what to do. Sam was _married_ , things would never be as they were. He shouldn't have dared hope, shouldn't have deluded himself into thinking Sam would be there waiting for him. It had been years, he was happy Sam had moved on. That was _good_ , Sam deserved it, but it still hurt.

 

A small noise dragged him from his thoughts and he peeked up again, “I’ve got him,” Jess murmured, before vanishing off down the hall. “Him?” Gabriel croaked, and Sam sighed, his head lolling forward against Gabriel’s shoulder. “My son,” Gabriel’s eyes widened, “Sam, what are you _doing_? You have a family, kick me out, let me leave.” Sam shook his head, meeting Gabriel’s eye and gently running his hand over his injured cheek.

 

“Gabriel, I love _you_. Yes, I love my wife, and my son, and yes I feel like utter garbage, but I’m leaving with you. Tonight. We’re getting a hotel room and we’re cleaning you up. Then tomorrow I’m going to take you to the hospital. Jessica will understand, you’ll see, but I need you to relax now, alright?”

 

Always one for perfect timing, Jessica walked back into the room, a bundle of blue blankets tucked against her chest. “Gabriel,” she whispered, then sighed, walking closer to the couple on the couch, and sitting delicately beside them. “Sam, Gabriel, I know… I want you... “ She sighed again, she knew what she had to say, she knew what was going to happen, but god did it hurt. She took a deep breath, detangling her hand from the bundle of blankets and reaching out to her husband. “Sam, I want you to take him and get outta here, I know you want to be with him, it’s okay. I’ll file for a divorce in the morning. You have my blessing, both of you. Gabriel, I’m so happy you’re okay, and that you found your way home.”

 

Gabriel nodded mutely, his mouth hanging open as he stared at the woman that was willing to give up the greatest man on the planet for their happiness. “Thank you,” he whispered, and Sam nodded, pressing a quick kiss to her lips. “I _do_ love you, Jess, you know I do,” she nodded, a sad smile on her lips, “I know you do, but you love him more. I’ll make sure you’re a part of Gabe’s life, and mine, too, hopefully. Get going now.” She stood and vanished into the darkness once again.

 

“Gabe?” Gabriel croaked as Sam set him on the couch so he could go about collecting his things. “Our son, we named him Gabriel.” He murmured, turning briefly to face his beloved angel. Gabe made a face and stared at the taller man, “you named your child after me?” Sam nodded, and Gabriel thought he may have blushed as well, though it was hard to tell in the low light. Gabriel felt his world tipping, “baby? Baby what-” he didn’t hear the next words, the last thing he saw was Sam rushing towards him, then he fell into blackness.

 

Sam caught Gabriel just before he hit the ground, body completely slack in his arms. He checks for a pulse, and after finding a steady heart-beat, relaxes. So he just fainted, not unexpected, given everything.

 

Sam carefully picks up Gabe's prone body and carries him to the bedroom, setting him on the bed and quickly shoving some clothes in a bag. “Call me in the morning?” Jess asks, walking up behind him. “Of course, and I’ll try to text you where we’re staying when I figure it out, but I might have my hands too full.” He sighs, glancing at the limp body laying on his bed. His poor baby. He must have been through so much, he looked - and smelled - like he hadn't bathed the entire time he’d been missing. From what he could see of his cuts and scrapes, many of them were infected, oozing blood and pus onto his dirt caked skin. Thousands of scars, from black to barely there, covered him as well.

 

Sam was afraid to wash the man, the tear tracks alone had washed away enough to see just how bad it was under the dirt/blood/bile/pus/sweat. He wasn't sure he could handle seeing just how many wounds were truly covering the small man.

 

“Thank you, Jess.” he breathes finally, and she nods, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug, “I just want you happy, Sam.” He sighs and holds her close for another minute before pulling away.

 

“Get to sleep, Jess, I’ll talk to you soon. I love you.” She nods, and Sam scoops Gabriel up in his arms, throwing his duffle over his shoulder. “I love you too, Sam, take good care of him, he’s been through a lot, that much is obvious.” Sam nods, adjusting the small body against his shoulder and carrying him to the car.

 

Through some series of miracles, Sam manages to find a decent hotel, with a vacancy, and a receptionist that doesn’t say anything about broken the man he’s cradling in his arms. The one who was now, thankfully, fully conscious.

 

When they get into the room Sam makes sure everything is locked before turning to Gabe, who had curled up on the bed the second they arrived and was currently sniffling quietly into a pillow. “Oh, sweetheart… Can you talk about it?” Gabriel shakes his head, choking on a sob.

 

“Come here, let’s get you cleaned up.” Sam helps Gabriel sit up and pulls off his tattered shirt, cringing when even more grievous wounds were exposed. These one's were slightly less hidden, the shirt having blocked a lot of the filth, and it took Sam several minutes to find his voice. “My poor baby, you’re safe now,” he sooths when Gabe tenses up as Sam goes for the buttons of his jeans. “It’s me sweetheart, I’m not going to hurt you.” Gabriel nods and takes a deep breath, letting Sam strip him the rest of the way down - after a small struggle with the rusted-shut zipper of his pants - and sitting back while Sam strips off his shirt.

 

Sam fills the tub, not counting on Gabe’s legs to hold up long enough for a proper shower, and helps the man settle into the warm water. Gabriel hisses as the water stings his cuts, but slowly settles back, letting Sam gently wash his hair and clean years worth of grime off his skin. “You don’t have to-” Sam shushes him gently, “I thought you were dead, Gabe, let me take care of you. Let me touch you, just… You’re really here. Let me…” Sam trailed off, and Gabe doesn’t dare look at him, he can’t see the tears he knows are there. God he should have just gone home that night, none of this would have happened.

 

Finally Sam decides he’s clean enough and drains the water, helping Gabriel step out and stand on a towel while he drys him off. “I want to take a look at your cuts,” Sam says, leading Gabriel out to their room. “Then I’ll help you get dressed, you’ll be wearing some of my clothes, and we can sleep. Tomorrow we’re eating chocolate chip pancakes and I’m taking you to the hospital.” Gabriel nods numbly, there was no use arguing, Sam had always been hard-headed. And too good for him.

 

Sam digs some bandages and antiseptic out of his bag, setting about cleaning Gabriel’s plethora of cuts, wrapping the deeper ones professionally in the tan gauze. By the time he’s finished, Gabriel’s shivering with cold and nerves. After the adrenaline had worn off completely he realized they would probably be looking for him, they would try to take him back, kill him this time, he couldn’t-

 

“Gabriel, hey, stop thinking about it okay? We can worry about everything tomorrow. For now we’re locked up safe and sound, I will kill anyone who tries to lay a hand on you, you’re safe. Come here, help me get you dressed.” Gabe nods, vaguely realizing Sam’s chest is freezing, “get dressed, I can handle this.”

 

Sam starts to protest, but a well timed shiver cuts him off, “yeah, alright, if you need-” Gabriel nearly tips over trying to step into the pants Sam had handed him, groaning in pain, and Sam quickly grabs him, helping him sit on the bed. He smiles sadly gently lifts his feet into the sweatpants, pulling them up Gabriel’s too-skinny legs.

 

“Sorry…” Sam kisses his cheek, “don’t apologize to me, love, just let me take care of you, okay?” Gabe nods, lifting his hips so Sam can pull up his sweats and tugging on the long-sleeve shirt himself. “Now get yourself dressed, you must be freezing,” Gabe mutters, watching Sam strip off his jeans and pull on a pair of pajama pants and a hoodie.

 

“You don’t have to do this, Sa- let me talk,” Gabriel holds up a hand, cutting off whatever protest Sam had been about to make. “I know you loved me, I know we were happy together, I know we could have been more, but things have changed. It’s been years, I’ve changed, you’ve changed, hell you’re married with a kid now! Are you really willing to throw that away, just for me? You’ve been without me for a while now, you’ve moved on, I’ll be okay if you want to stay with her. I’ll get help, everything will be okay.”

 

Sam sighs, pulling back the covers and helping Gabriel into bed and climbing in himself before turning to face the older man. “Gabriel,” he sighs again, tracing his fingers over Gabe’s bruised jaw line in a gentle caress. “I love you. There is no _loved_. You can ask Jessica, I was never happy without you. You are all I talked about, all I wanted. You… were pronounced dead. I settled. She convinced me you would want me to be happy, and I tried, damn did I try, but the whole time - and I feel horrible saying this but it’s the truth - I wanted _you_. Not her. And she knew it, too.”

 

He paused long enough to press a feather-light kiss to Gabriel’s swollen lips, searching golden eyes as he pulled back. “I want you, and I will do everything in my power to keep you. We _can_ be more, I love you, we _will_ be happy together. If you want me. There has never been a doubt in my mind, or Jess’, that i- when you came back I would be going with you.” Gabriel looks down, nodding, and leaning his head against Sam’s chest. “Alright, I do love you, Sam.”

 

Sam smiles, gently coaxing Gabriel to look at him, and tucking his hair away from his face. “I love you too, angel, you’ll see, we’ll be okay.” They both lay down, in perfect sync, even after all this time, and Sam pulls the covers over them, carefully draping an arm around Gabriel’s waist. “I sure hope so, kiddo.” And for the first time in years, Gabriel fell into a contented sleep, safe in the arms of the man he loves.

 

~~~~

 

Sam woke up with a start, sitting up and looking around the unfamiliar room in a panic, what had happened last night? Had he and Jess fought? Why was he in a hotel? He sighs and runs a hand over his face. After another moment something drips down his chest and he reached down, touching the wet hoodie.

 

“Sorry,” came the croaking voice from across the room, Gabriel, right, he had come home, they had gone to a hotel. He looks at the wetness on his fingers and sighs, _tears_. “I was asleep, I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.” Gabriel sniffed and Sam dragged himself out of bed, crossing the room and pulling the smaller man against him.

 

“It’s okay, Gabe, let it out,” Gabe choked on a sob, wrapping his arms tightly around the taller man, his clinging to the loose fabric of his hoodie. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to, I’m-” Sam shushed him, smoothing his hair, “Gabriel, it’s alright, let it out, I’m here.” Sam scoops him up, carrying him back to the bed and laying them both down, gently petting his hair and arms until the tears stopped and his breath returning to normal.

 

“I’m going to call room service and order us breakfast, alright?” Gabriel nods and Sam withdraws himself enough to reach for the phone, ordering whatever he can think of before nuzzling back to the shorter man, smiling when Gabriel sighs contently as they settle back down together.

 

“Gabriel, I want you to promise me something, alright?” Sam asks gently, petting Gabriel’s hair to try to keep him calm. Despite the effort Gabriel tenses against him, his hand clenching into a fist on Sam’s chest. “What?” Sam sighs, pressing a kiss to Gabriel’s hair.

 

“Nothing bad, I just… Gabriel, if you wake up like that again, I want you to wake me. I want you to talk to me, alright? I don’t know what you went through, I don’t know where you’ve been, and I know I wasn’t there, but I _am_ now. I want to be there for you, I love you, let me in.” Gabriel takes a deep breath, slowly relaxing back into Sam’s arms, “I’ll try. I… After we eat I can… Try. I’ll try to tell you what they did…” Sam nods, smiling and pressing another kiss to the man’s hair, “I’m proud of you.”

 

When a knock on the door comes Gabriel tenses again, clinging to Sam, “come on, go hide in the bathroom, I’ll get breakfast.” Gabriel nods, breathing a sigh of relief and limping to the bathroom. Sam answers the door, smiling at the concierge “thank you,” the young man nods, helping Sam carry the trays of food into the room.

 

After he leaves, Sam gets Gabriel from the bathroom and settles with him into the bed, pulling a tray of pancakes onto their laps. “I still want to take you to the hospital, so you’re going to have to be around other people. I’ll be right next to you though, alright?” Gabriel nods slowly, picking up a pancake and slowly nibbling at it. “As long as you’re there, I should be okay.”

 

Sam chuckles and pulls Gabriel closer to him, “for the rest of time,” he confirms, digging into his own breakfast. “I love you,” Gabriel whispers, finishing off his pancake and taking a piece of melon from a bowl of fruit. “I love you too,” Sam replies with a smile, taking Gabe’s hand in his own. Gabriel smiles weakly, although it feels stiff and foreign on his face.

 

After they finish eating - Gabriel having significantly less than Sam was expecting - and a short argument that consisted of Gabriel trying to convince Sam he could clean himself, and Sam insisting he didn’t mind helping, they shower together. Gabriel leans heavily on Sam as he does his best to soap himself up, then suppored himself on a wall while Sam quickly scrubed himself.

 

“Gabriel, I don’t mind taking care of you, I _really_ don’t,” Sam sighs as Gabriel tries to get dressed, managing to get his sweats up to his knees before he fell onto the bed. Sam smiles gently, lifting the smaller man and letting him pull up his pants the rest of the way before he pulls on his own clothes. “I just… I want to be able to do it myself. I'm a grown ass man and I can't pull up my own pants,” Sam sighs and ruffles Gabriel’s hair, “you just went through years of abuse, I'm sure it'll get better.” Gabriel was silent.

 

The drive to the hospital was no better, Gabriel twisting his too big shirt - one of Sam’s - and trying to work up the nerve to open his mouth. Sam parks the car and starts to get out, freezing when Gabriel’s hand closes around his wrist. “It was horrible, Sam, they… Took us, and those women, they might as well have been dead, they had given up, everyone had. I never hurt them, I wouldn’t hurt them, I didn’t. No matter what they did.”

 

Sam took a deep breath, searching the smaller man’s haunted face, “hurt who, Gabe?” Gabriel whimpers, squeezing his eyes shut, “the women. They tried, but I wouldn’t touch them. Everyone else gave up, they hurt them, but I didn’t, no matter what I wouldn’t hurt them, Sam. Knew you’d be disappointed if I ever did, wanted you to… made you proud didn’t I? Never hurt them.”

 

Sam pulled Gabriel over the center console, settling him in his lap and hugging him tightly against his chest. “Yes, yes I’m so proud of you,” he had no idea what Gabriel was talking about, but there was no way in hell he was going to push more, Gabriel was barely breathing. “Hurt so fucking much, Sam, so fucking much.” Gabriel wailed into his hair, digging his nails into Sam’s shirt.

 

Sam held him tightly, listening to the littany of ‘never hurt them’s and ‘hurt so bad’s. He figured out the people who had taken him wanted him to hurt others, and if he didn’t they would hurt him, also that Gabriel was the only one that never broke, although he couldn’t make out exactly why they were doing this. What could they possibly have to gain?

 

By the time Gabriel could breathe normally again, Sam was simultaneously furious and heart-broken. He felt his own tears burning tracks down his cheek as he thought about Gabriel, his precious, brave, beautiful, angel, scared and alone and in so, so, much pain, and when Gabriel peeked up at him, his eyes widened in horror.

 

“No, no don’t cry Sam, please don’t cry, I don’t want you to cry. I never wanna hurt you, please stop crying.” Gabriel choked, wiping at the tear stains on Sam’s face. Sam smiles wetly, pulling Gabriel into a sloppy kiss, their tears mixing together as Gabriel melts into him as he always had.

 

“Gabriel, you haven’t hurt me, alright? Relax, take a deep breath for me,” he coaxed, when they finally pulled apart. Gabriel did as he was told and Sam smiled, wiping at his wet cheeks, “there you go, that’s right, deep breaths.” Gabriel nods, letting himself melt into Sam’s chest for a while, until the wheel digging into his back - and one of his many bruises - got to be too much.

 

Sam seemed to read his mind, shifting back and handing Gabe a water bottle, “drink this, then we’re going to head inside, okay?” Gabriel nods and gulps down the water, taking a breath and pressing his forehead to Sam’s. It felt like every second he was safe, the worse things were getting. The thought of losing Sam again, the reality of what he had been through, the pain he was in, it was becoming all too real. It felt like a ten ton weight crushing his chest.

 

“Gabe, it’ll be fine,” Sam murmurs, dragging him back to reality, a gentle hand cupping his cheek enough to anchor himself to the real world, for now. He nods and slowly climbs out of the car, clinging to Sam’s arm like a frightened child the entire way.

 

By the time they made it to the exam room Gabriel had worked himself into a full blown panic, nothing Sam could say would calm him. He was shaking in the taller man’s arms, trying to breathe now that they were alone, when the nurse walked in. “What… I-” Sam cut her off gently, “this is Gabriel Milton, he was abducted five years ago and presumably tortured that entire time. I’m pretty sure he’s malnourished and dehydrated… We want to know what else is wrong with him, broken bones, diseases… Anything I can do to help him.”

 

The nurse nodded mutely, obviously out of her depth, “I’ll put in an x-ray request, I’ll be right back to draw blood, if you could give me a urine sample, uh, just, leave it here.” She set down a cup and nodded at the couple before scampering out. “How bad do I look?” Gabriel whispered, he hadn’t seen himself yet, after seeing her face… he wasn’t sure he wanted to. Sam smiled, “you look beautiful, Gabriel. Come on, let’s go to the bathroom.” Gabriel nods, strangely happy Sam wanted to go with him.

 

After a battery of tests and exams, and an as-brief-as-possible meeting with a police officer, Gabriel was about ready to crawl into one of the cupboards under the sink and never come out. Sam, intuitive bastard he is, sat on the exam table and motioned for Gabriel to crawl onto his lap. Gabriel gratefully accepted, curling in on himself, letting Sam wrap him in his arms, hiding him from the world. “We’re almost done baby, you were so good, I’ll feel so much better knowing you’re okay.”

 

Gabriel tenses when the door opens, and Sam tightens his grip, “it’s okay,” he whispers, as their doctor closing the door behind himself. “Alright,” he looks over the chart, “Gabriel, Sam was right about the dehydration and malnutrition, as well as multiple contusions and lacerations. You have a lot of fractures that healed very poorly, especially in your hands, you might never regain full motion in your fingers.

 

I’d like to keep you overnight, on a glucose drip for the dehydration and a nutritional supplement through an N.G. tube. I’d prefer to keep you on for a couple of days, but I understand if you want to get home, I certainly would.” Sam tensed throughout the speech, barely holding in a growl, “we’ll stay as long as you see fit.” He barks, and the doctor nods, clearly having expected the outburst. “I’ll give you a moment alone, a nurse will be by to take you to your room, I’m sorry I couldn’t have anything better to say.” Sam nods stiffly and the doctor walks out.

 

Gabriel peeks up at Sam, pailing when he sees the rage behind his usually gentle eyes. He panics, launching himself across the room, and huddling himself in the corner. That look. They had looked at him that way every day. It had meant pain - always pain. So much pain. Sam felt the anger fall away faster than he thought possible, “oh… oh, sweetheart,” he slowly kneeled in front of the smaller man, holding out his hand.

 

“I’m not going to hurt you, I will never hurt you, come here, it’s okay.” He coaxed softly, every whimper from the other man’s lips feeling like a stab to his gut. Slowly Gabriel reached out and took his hand, staring at him with wide, terrified eyes. This is Sam, Sam isn’t going to hurt me, it’s okay.

 

It took another minute of careful coaxing and beautiful words of love, but Gabriel finally crawled into Sam’s open arms, immediately burying his face against Sam. The younger man carried him back to the exam bed, holding him tightly against his solid body. He would rip the fucking throats out of whoever had done this to his baby.

 

~~~~

 

Weeks passed, and did nothing to calm the terror surging through Gabriel every minute of every day. Even finding their own apartment, their own space with locks, hidden away from the world, didn’t help. Not like either of them had expected it to, but they could hope. Every small thing they could do to ease his mind was a step in the right direction.

 

Gabriel woke up screaming more nights than not, usually more than once. He couldn’t eat, wouldn’t talk, Sam tried to coax him to get help but he wouldn’t, couldn’t, trust anyone but Sam. He knew Sam before, Sam was safe. It didn’t help that he couldn’t do any of the things he used to like to do to calm himself, his fingers were too stiff for piano, he couldn’t go with Sam to the park, or their field. They had taken everything from him. Everything but Sam. And by all rights, he should be gone too.

 

As much as he wanted to stay around Sam, and as much as Sam promised he wasn’t being difficult, he couldn’t help the guilt. His screams woke Sam up three, four times a night, he was missing work, couldn’t go out, and had no privacy. They showered together, took group trips to the bathroom, slept in the same bed, ate together, and cooked together. Sam made damn sure there was never a closed door between them, made sure Gabriel was always comfortable, and it was too fucking much.

 

He couldn’t even repay Sam with his trust, it was truly pathetic. If Sam’s voice rose, if he looked angry or upset for any reason, if he so much as moved wrong, it sent Gabriel into a panic. It could take hours to coax him out of whatever corner her launched himself into, but every single time, Sam would calmly sit a safe distance away, hand outstretched, talking, and waiting for Gabriel to come to him. Gabriel didn’t deserve Sam’s patience, he didn’t deserve this beautiful, perfect man, not at all.

 

It didn’t take long for the smaller man to snap, after another fit - this time it took Sam 3 hours to coax Gabriel out of his corner and even longer to get him to bed. By the time he was able to stretch out his legs, they had to be more than numb, but Sam never said a word. - he collapsed at before Sam, sobbing. “You deserve better, Sam, I’m so so sorry, I’m trying, really I am. You shouldn’t be dealing with this, I shouldn’t have bothered you, you should be home. With Jessica and your son, not trying to piece me together. Sam I’m broken, just leave me.”

 

Sam was quiet. Too quiet. Maybe he’d finally listen and leave Gabriel behind, it would be for the best - it would, but Gabriel couldn’t help the stabbing pain in his chest. He wanted Sam to leave, but he didn’t want to be without him. He was a selfish man at heart, but Sam deserved better than that. He could fake it. He could.

 

“Are you done?” Sam said finally, kneeling in front of the smaller man, gently cupping his cheek. Gabriel shrugged weakly, Sam would leave, he would be alone, it was okay. “Alright, comere” Gabriel peeked up at his boyfriend with wide eyes, but Sam just sat with arms outstretched, waiting for him. He slowly crawled into the embrace, gasping weakly when Sam hugged him tightly.

 

They sat for a long time, just wrapped in each other’s arms, until Gabriel finally pulled back and looked up at Sam through his hair, eyes full of fear, and lip quivering. Sam smiled, ignoring the distress, drawing attention would only make Gabriel feel more weak. “You need a haircut, come on,” Sam stood up and offered Gabe a hand. Gabriel slowly took it, pulling himself up and following Sam to the bathroom, where he was guided onto the toilet, a towel draped over his shoulders.

 

“So, I want you to listen to me, alright?” Gabriel started to nod, then thought better of it, “okay,” he whispered instead, sitting still and letting Sam do what he would. “I don’t deserve better, not that it matters what I deserve. I want you, I love you, and I’m going to stay with you. I know you’re trying, I see how hard you’re trying every day. I’m so _so_ proud of you, Gabriel. What you went through? I can’t even begin to imagine it. I would have broken, given up, and you didn’t. Do you know how _amazing_ that is?

 

“I cannot put into _words_ how proud I am of you. You held on, when everything in the world was telling you not to, and you came home to me. I’m not `dealing with` anything, and I should absolutely be helping you. You’re my boyfriend, and you’re so so strong, and you deserve every ounce of support I can give you. I _do_ feel bad for leaving Jess and Gabe, but I would do it all again. They’ll be fine, and Gabriel will grow up with _two_ fathers to love him, and the best mother in the world, he’s a lucky kid.

 

“You aren’t broken, Gabriel, maybe a little bent, a couple dings and scratches here and there, but not broken. You’re beautiful, and strong, and wonderful, and _so_ _brave_. You deserve the world, but all I can offer is myself. I’m gonna try my damndest to be enough for you, and if that means I have to sit and talk to you for a few hours to make you feel comfortable? I fail to see the downside. Maybe you can’t see yourself how I see you, but I have the rest of our lives to show you what you are to me, and I’m not going anywhere.”


End file.
